Listening To The Whispers

While happiness may exist within one's own heart, TRUE happiness can only exist when your heart is held within another's heart and they hold your heart within theirs. It is not a matter of simply holding another's heart within your grasp, you must allow the other's heart inside yours. It is a matter of complete trust and love, allowing your soul to become one with another's soul. To do this requires total commitment, total honesty........in essence, surrendering your complete being to another. This concept is very frightening to me, as I have given of myself before, and was fooled into thinking that the other person had done the same. The pain of the realization of what I was feeling was false was a pain like no other. I have also shared portions of my heart with others, as they have done with me..... only to have them walk out of my life for various reasons beyond our control. While I experienced pain at a loss of a portion of my heart, I also know that I gave it willingly and with love. I believe that when we find that One True Love, that all of the pieces of our heart that have been bruised, mangled, torn, shredded, and even taken, are returned to the heart that was damaged.

I will tell you that it takes someone very special for me to want to even allow them close to my heart, to allow them a glimpse of what is there inside my heart that makes me who I am. To allow someone close enough to see what is inside my heart also puts them in danger of seeing the demons that sometimes surround me. And so here is the dilemma..... do I allow someone close enough to my heart, and then have them see my demons, and decide that they are not strong enough to overcome them??? I have asked myself “What do I have to lose with you?”...... and the question can be answered in so many different ways. I can lose my heart to you.......to surrender to what I could feel, to know love, or I can lose my self-respect again......knowing that I once again allowed someone close to my heart and the result was pain, that I was fooled again. I want to trust you, to surrender to what could be........I just know that I cannot allow myself to become a victim of my loss of self-respect again. When questioned on matters of the heart, I have always counseled others to listen to their heart, that if they listen closely, as sometimes the heart whispers....their heart will lead them in the right direction. In my case, I don’t how much is left of my heart to even listen to.

I do know that I feel that I want this to continue.....I am just afraid of all of the “what if” questions that have run through my mind in recent days. I think at this point the only answer that I know to be true is that my fear and mistrust could possibly ruin something magical. Perhaps my “knight in shining armor” is actually near, and I am afraid to acknowledge it. I think I know what is in my heart, I’m just afraid to let it go, to listen to the whispers that I hear.